the happy conservative

Tonight I had some fabulous luck. I decided to head on down to Busch Stadium to watch the Cards and Reds duke it out. Now Brian and I stood in standing room till the bottom of the second, when two lovely young ladies came like manna from heaven and presented us with free tickets to the Champions’ Club, where Budweiser flows freely and they’re not happy unless they’re driving prime rib between your teeth. Seriously. And brownies with little chocolate flakes on them. And risotto.

Now the point is that as soon as these young ladies found us, we started laughing, and didn’t stop until the middle of the fourth. Laugh laugh laugh. How could I even go back to the stadium after sitting up there? It’ll never be the same, I’m sure.

But as a conservative, I feel lucky. It occurred to us both that we’d done nothing whatsoever to deserve our great fortune. Luck, nothing more. Nothing to ensure that next time I won’t be back in SRO, enjoying the drips of three hundred rows of eight-dollar bud light.

Conservatives feel surprise when great things happen. Goodness knows there’s no reason for something good to happy to me; I haven’t earned it. I don’t like to be disappointed. Reality has a way of disappointing you if you expect too much of it.

Liberals, on the other hand, would feel entitlement. Doggone it, I’ve been a good person and done my good deeds, I deserve to sit where they serve free margaritas and brats. Nevermind that these tickets cost four hundred bucks a head, I’ll feel bad if they don’t pick me.

You don’t. Burke had some things right. To expect equality is silly, that’s not going to happen. We’re simply not all created equal. After all, don’t you know that kid who never had to work hard in school, never had to work hard in sports, has never had to work hard in life? You can see his (in my case, her) face now. Sickening. We’re not created equal. Equal opportunity? Perhaps something devoutly to be wished. But sometimes, yes, sometimes, life simply isn’t fair. There’s nothing you can do about that. If I’d been in the bathroom, I’d be stuck in SRO while Brian ate and drank with the high-brows. I love SRO, I get to be closer to the game than any ticket I can afford. But I’d rather be up in the seats with the flat screen tvs and the free beer and the ipods with wireless internet and instant replay. I got lucky. Other people didn’t. Life isn’t fair. It’s bigger than you are, and you’re not going to change it.

When something good happens, know it wasn’t earned. Any day you could get hit by a bus or a flock of man-eating locusts. And then some days you sit and drink free bud select with the top dogs. Change what you can change and take joy and appreciation when you can find it. Happiness is in the small things.

If you’re liberal, you expect the government to fix unfairness. It just shouldn’t be that way. As if you can do anything about bad luck. If you’re conservative, you pray to God and self-insure.