the happy conservative

While I was undercover among the capital-C Conservatives, I learned that they find themselves in a very unique position: they’re against the war in Iraq.

Without waxing at length, the position seems to be that:

1. the desire of liberty is not a human trait. It is a cultural oddity of the American only.
2. exporting culture by force cannot be defended unless it is the collateral damage of a just war.

I’m not really qualified to debate this position. I can, however, present a compelling argument for its irrelevance.

Let’s say I’m a member of the 82nd Airborne. I just jumped out of a plane… one thousand - two thousand - three thousand - four thousand - oh #@$%! My chute didn’t open! I better go back and get a different one! I had better elect a different rigger to pack my new chute! In fact, it would be best if I had never jumped out of the plane in the first place!

All of those things may be true, without being even remotely relevant. What matters is that I pull my reserve chute in the four seconds I have before I’m doomed to burn into the ground. I can’t go back to the plane. I can’t go back to the chute shed. I can’t go back to St. Louis and drink beer. The only decision that matters is the one on the margin.